Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
