he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
