Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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