when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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