I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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