I can text with my tongue
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
two words...techno handjob
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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