I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
