Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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