I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
