Soap is not a condiment
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
