I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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