i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
