I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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