Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
