She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
