just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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