they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
barbara walters just said penis...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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