my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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