hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
