the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
