BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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