I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
