The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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