I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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