I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Text me some of your sweat
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