theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
