imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
