i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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