so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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