I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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