No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
