i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
