What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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