Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
