What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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