I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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