the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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