It's Friday. Sex?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
