bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Do vagina's smell?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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