yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Vodka?
Forever.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
