Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
