he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
