The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
