Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
