NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
