I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
