I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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