Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Who died my cat blue again?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
