Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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