Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
