I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
