I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
