Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
