I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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